Are You Really a Good Listener?

Ample research has shown that when people believe that their managers and senior leaders are truly listening to their ideas and concerns, work relationships grow stronger, engagement rises, and performance improves. That’s why bosses have regular one‑on-ones with their direct reports, new division heads go on listening tours, and CEOs host all-staff meetings and town halls.

However, studies also show that such practices often are ineffective—in part because many managers simply aren’t good listeners. When we conducted a comprehensive review of 117 academic papers on workplace listening—whether it happened in individual conversations or in team or larger meetings—we found that this skill is far easier to describe than to display.

Why? Because listening is an intentional activity that requires empathy, patience, and the ability to respond to what you hear. And because it can be so mentally taxing, particularly when the subject matter is complex or emotionally charged, people often take shortcuts or disengage altogether.

Take Google’s all-company TGIF meetings. For years these were biweekly open forums where company leaders would share updates, discuss strategic developments, and take questions from employees. They played a critical role in maintaining a culture of trust at the company. As Laszlo Bock, Google’s former senior vice president of people operations, once explained, they covered “everything from whether the mix of food in the cafés is too healthy to really sublime questions around whether our strategy with a particular country or product is good or evil.” However, in 2019 Sundar Pichai, Google’s CEO, decided that the meetings were no longer working. Employees wanted to talk about contentious issues like the company’s handling of hate speech and sexual harassment, and discussions were often leaked to the press. Pichai made them less regular and changed their format. It seems that listening to everyone had gotten too difficult.

Similar scenarios have played out at Activision Blizzard, where an attempt to address harassment claims during a company town hall led to a massive walkout, with workers complaining that leaders were minimizing rather than meaningfully addressing their concerns, and at Amazon, where employees said that a daily survey designed to gauge their sentiment was being skewed by managers’ overt pressure to give positive answers and by worries that responses wouldn’t be kept anonymous.

In our research we’ve found that even the most well-intentioned leaders are sometimes guilty of being poor listeners. We’ve identified five of the most common and damaging causes of that failure: haste, defensiveness, invisibility, exhaustion, and inaction. In this article we’ll explain how to avoid those pitfalls and become the kind of listener that your team members need you to be.

1. Haste

In April 2023 MillerKnoll’s CEO, Andi Owen, held an online town hall. Going in, she worried that morale was low. In order for the employees—including her—to receive their annual bonuses, the company needed to hit a revenue goal, and sales weren’t on track. But Owen believed that with a final push the employees could succeed. “My goal was to get them to…say, ‘Gosh, it really stinks that we aren’t further along.’ And maybe take a minute and feel bad about that, but then sort of leave that place of feeling bad. We still have a quarter, we can still do this,” she later told Fast Company.

Toward the end of the meeting, Owen was asked the question on everyone’s mind: What about the bonuses? And that’s when things went awry. “Don’t ask about, ‘What are we going to do if we don’t get a bonus?’” Owen replied. Workers should focus instead on making their numbers, she said, adding: “I had an old boss who said to me one time, ‘You can visit pity city, but you can’t live there.’ So people, leave pity city!” A video of the response went viral, racking up nearly 6 million views and igniting a firestorm online.

Owen had fallen prey to haste. Her viral comment came in the final moments of a long meeting. She hadn’t left much time for questions or formulated any responses in advance—so she responded quickly. That often happens with busy leaders managing several people or entire teams.

But listening with haste can be worse than not listening at all. When you respond to people too quickly, they’re likely to feel frustrated, demeaned, or unimportant. And when you miss the message because you’re hurrying, you may also make decisions based on incomplete information, which can further demotivate your team.

Good listening is a demanding task that takes time. In our work we’ve found that people feel heard only when listeners focus their attention, demonstrate interest, and ensure that they’ve understood.

To avoid hasty responses, set aside adequate, distraction-free time for conversations. This signals that you’re genuinely invested in hearing the other person’s perspective and helps ensure that nothing important gets glossed over. If there are issues you can’t address in the moment, plan another time to follow up.

Though this approach may not apply in situations where you’re confronted, as Owen was, there are other ways to slow down and listen effectively. One good strategy is to ask clarifying questions. Exploring areas of ambiguity or seeking additional details will not only help you fully understand what you’re being told but also encourage people to be more thorough and transparent with you—because you’re showing that you truly care about what they’re saying.

Finally, resist the urge to interrupt. Research, including a study from Italy’s Second University of Naples, shows that interruptions are almost always poorly received. Your first job is to understand the message and intent of the speaker. Respond only after that job is done.

2. Defensiveness

When employees raise concerns or offer critical feedback, defensiveness can be a natural, knee‑jerk reaction. For instance, James Clarke, the CEO of Clearlink, reportedly became defensive when responding to complaints about the company’s return-to-office policy, which abruptly required all employees within 50 miles of headquarters to work on-site four days a week. Many people were surprised and upset, but instead of listening to them, Clarke lashed out, questioning the motives of those who disagreed with the policy, expressing doubt that working mothers could be productive, and—bizarrely—praising an employee who sold the family dog so that she could comply with the policy.

A similar pattern can be seen in Owen’s response. Instead of validating employees’ worries, she responded defensively, telling people not to ask the question. Pichai’s shift to TGIF meetings that focus on product and business strategy rather than other issues also reflects defensiveness.

Such reactions are not just unproductive; they erode trust and morale. Employees who feel dismissed are more likely to disengage, which weakens relationships and leads to poor organizational outcomes. By contrast, when listeners avoid being judgmental and instead express empathy, speakers are less anxious and thus better able to handle disagreement should it arise, according to research from Guy Itzchakov, Avraham Kluger, and Dotan Castro.

The lesson is to steel yourself against defensiveness by calming your own emotions and seeking to understand the other parties’ intentions before responding. Before you speak, take stock of yourself. If you feel criticized or threatened, buy yourself time by simply restating what you think the speaker has said or thanking that person for sharing. You can also ask questions to get more information. Those moves will prevent you from counterattacking and show people that you’re hearing them out before voicing your own opinion.

3. Invisibility

One of the most common mistakes we see among managers is not showing that they’re listening, which makes them appear indifferent and disconnected. Sometimes organizational leaders are working behind the scenes to fix problems identified in town halls or staff surveys but fail to broadcast those efforts to employees. Or managers are indeed hearing and understanding their employees but not providing any visible signs of engagement.

At Google, for example, Pichai hasn’t stopped listening to employees or working to fix problems they raise—he is by most accounts a caring and attentive leader. But by changing the TGIF meetings, he removed a very visible symbol of his willingness to hear feedback. Consider, too, the famous moment during the 1992 U.S. presidential debate, when George Bush Sr., running for reelection, checked his wristwatch just before a voter asked him a question about the national debt and the recession. His response—“Of course, you feel it when you’re president of the United States; that’s why I’m trying to do something about it, by stimulating the export, investing more, a better education system”—was overshadowed by the gesture, which many perceived as a signal he was ready for the town hall to be over.

To avoid appearing indifferent, leaders must be more communicative and transparent. They can use body language known as “back channeling”—behaviors that signal that they’re listening. They include maintaining eye contact, nodding, and adopting an open posture (with your arms relaxed at your sides rather than crossed in front of your chest, for example). Research by Janet Bavelas and colleagues shows that such cues make conversations more productive: When a listener signals comprehension, it allows the speaker to move on; when a listener shows confusion, it invites the speaker to rephrase or elaborate.

Verbal acknowledgments are important too. Simple phrases such as “I see” or “That makes sense” signal to your counterparts that you’re following along, valuing their perspective, and actively processing their messages.

Finally, you can demonstrate listening by reflecting the ideas of speakers back to them. Summarizing what you’ve heard is a powerful way to confirm your understanding. For example, you might say, “So what I’m hearing is that you’re concerned about the deadline because it might not allow enough time for testing.” This approach not only reassures the speaker that you’re attentive but helps prevent any misunderstandings. C-suite leaders can also use it in emails or other corporate communications after receiving employee survey results or after all-staff meetings.

4. Exhaustion

Exhaustion is a silent killer of effective listening. When leaders are physically or emotionally drained, they lose their capacity to focus, process, and engage productively with employees. Imagine a boss who has just finished back-to-back meetings and skipped lunch and is now on a late-afternoon call with a team member sharing a pressing concern. Despite being present physically, her attention drifts, and she’s unable to respond thoughtfully.

That’s probably how Google leaders felt as one TGIF meeting after another surfaced a slew of difficult employee concerns. At a small startup, a weekly meeting that allows all employees to talk to top management is realistic. At a company of 100,000, it’s more difficult. Similarly, Owen, Clarke, and Bush Sr. were no doubt tired—from managing their organizations and the country, respectively—when they made their listening gaffes.

According to research by Christopher Rosen and colleagues, managers who listen to too many complaints eventually become so worn down that they’re more likely to mistreat their subordinates.

The best way to avoid exhausted listening is to establish clear boundaries. That might involve blocking out certain hours when your door or calendar is open and others when it’s not, setting time limits on discussions, or taking breaks during extended conversations.

Moreover, leaders should acknowledge their personal limits. If you’re feeling weary, it’s both acceptable and beneficial to reschedule for a time when you have more energy. By acknowledging that quality listening requires mental and emotional reserves, you’re demonstrating transparency and respect, which your counterparts will appreciate.

Remember, too, that it’s OK to ask for help. While listening to employee problems and concerns is an essential part of a leader’s job, it can be shared. Too often, one manager becomes the office therapist everyone turns to for venting and advice. In such cases the overburdened manager can ask colleagues and team members to check in with their employees and peers to share the listening load. If your organization has regular meetings like TGIFs where people voice suggestions and concerns, the person running them should rotate. That will help prevent individuals from being overwhelmed and foster a sense of collective responsibility.

5. Inaction

The final pitfall is perhaps the most pernicious: receiving the speaker’s message but then not following up on it. Google’s slow response to employee concerns about sexual harassment in 2018, for instance, led 20,000 employees to walk out—and contributed to increasingly contentious TGIF meetings.

Research backs up the idea that inaction after employees raise issues erodes trust between managers and subordinates. In one study, Michaela Kerrissey and colleagues interviewed nurses during the Covid-19 pandemic; many reported feeling “unheard, frustrated, and alienated from their managers” because nothing had come of numerous meetings with them to discuss concerns.

. . .

Listening without subsequent action or explanation leads employees to believe their efforts—and yours—have been pointless. There is a fix for this: Always close the loop. Before ending a conversation, affirm what you’ve heard, identify the next steps for action, and agree on a timeline for checking back in. That emphasizes forward momentum and ensures accountability.

Be transparent about what you can or cannot act on, and in all cases explain why. If you’re taking an employee’s suggestion, outline how you want the team to make it happen. If a requested change can’t be implemented because of budget constraints, company policy, or other limitations, acknowledge that reality. Delineating the reasons behind inaction can open the door to brainstorming alternative approaches.

Listening is a cognitively and emotionally demanding activity. It takes deliberate attention and effort to avoid the five pitfalls we’ve described here. But if you master this managerial skill, you will build stronger relationships, foster greater trust, minimize misunderstandings, and create opportunities for meaningful change. Don’t let haste, defensiveness, invisibility, exhaustion, and inaction keep you from becoming a better listener and leader.

Copyright 2025 Harvard Business School Publishing Corporation. Distributed by The New York Times Syndicate.

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