Developing Your Staff’s Empathy

At first glance, empathy may seem to be a subject more suitable for an article about personal, outside-of-work relationships, rather than one about medical practice management. However, empathy is an extremely important topic for the medical practice manager and staff because it is connected so closely to the quality of the work they do every day. In fact, empathy is a medical practice management essential. Says Stillman,(1) “Having empathy . . . improves your leadership, teaches you to ask the right questions, boosts teamwork, [and] allows you to understand your customers. . . .” In the medical practice, an empathetic staff will get along with you and one another well, and will be in the best position to provide excellent customer service to your patients. In fact, it is hard to imagine a medical practice staff that is devoid of empathy. Such a practice would be one where most of us would not want to be a patient, let alone an employee.

Do we have any control over the empathy we feel?

This is all well and good, but it begs several questions: Do we have any control over the empathy we feel? Is empathy a soft skill we simply have or don’t have? Is our ability to empathize with others something that we establish in childhood and that is unlikely to change? Can we learn to empathize? According to Krznaric,(2) an empathy advisor, research suggests that empathy is a habit we can and should cultivate to improve the quality of our lives, both inside and outside of work. Says Krznaric, “Empathy doesn’t stop developing in childhood. We can nurture its growth throughout our lives . . . Research in sociology, psychology, history—and my own studies of empathetic personalities over the past 10 years—reveals how we can make empathy an attitude and a part of our daily lives, and thus improve the lives of everyone around us.” Most definitely, your medical practice employees can develop their empathy. In this article, we explore precisely how you can help them do it.

What Is Empathy?

Empathy is our ability to put ourselves in another person’s shoes. As McNamara(3) suggests, it is our ability to understand the other’s situation, perceptions, and feelings from his or her point of view, not ours, and to be able to communicate that understanding back to the person. It is also our ability to use that understanding to guide our own actions.

Empathy is different from sympathy, in an important way. With sympathy, as with empathy, we recognize and understand another person’s perceptions, opinions, and feelings. However, when we sympathize, we find ourselves taking on those same emotions and points of view. For instance, if people we know are sad and we sympathize with them, we become sad too. Their grief becomes our grief, their outrage our outrage, their anger our anger, and so on. But when we are empathetic, we are able to understand what others may feel, but we do not ourselves feel those same things. If they grieve, for instance, we understand but we do not ourselves grieve.

Interestingly, empathy is the more useful, desirable, and preferred response in the medical practice, both for yourself and for your employees. As McNamara suggests, “If an employee is frustrated and sad, the sympathetic leader would experience the same emotions, resulting in the leader many times struggling with the same issues as the employee. Thus, sympathy can actually get in the way of effective leading.” Likewise, the medical practice employee who sympathizes closely with a frustrated or sad patient or colleague may become so frustrated or sad himself that he becomes paralyzed and ineffective. The emotions may overwhelm him and cloud both his judgment and his ability to act in the moment. Empathy, the preferred response, enables your employees to be understanding, yet allows them to remain much more subjective and effective. Therefore, you will want to develop your staff members’ empathy, not their sympathy.

Think of empathy as skilled gift giving.

One important distinction about empathy is that it is 100% about understanding the other person. It is not necessarily acting as we would wish others to act if we were in the same situation. As Krznaric(2) explains, “Don’t confuse it [empathy] with the Golden Rule, ’Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’ As George Bernard Shaw pointed out, ‘Do not do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.’” Empathy, therefore, is about discovering those tastes, not our own, and then acting on them accordingly. Think of empathy as skilled gift giving. The goal in giving a thoughtful gift is to give the recipient what he or she wants, not what we would want for ourselves. Likewise, when we empathize, we must consider what will be most effective with or wanted by the other person, not what would be effective for ourselves or what we would want.

Ten Characteristics of Highly Empathetic People

Nearly all of us are capable of being empathetic. Thankfully, only a very small number of people display extremely little empathy or no empathy at all. As Krznaric explains, among these are psychopaths, who have a cognitive ability to enter your mind but form no emotional bond with you. (Think Hannibal Lecter.) As well, Krznaric says, some people with autism spectrum disorders such as Asperger syndrome have a harder time understanding the emotions and experiences of others. On the flip side of the coin, there are also relatively few people who can be described as highly empathetic. Nonetheless, we can learn a lot from them. Those who have a high level of empathy tend to the following 10 characteristics. Highly empathetic people:

1. Accurately identify their own feelings: We do not always understand ourselves. As McNamara suggests, “Many of us are so ‘processed’ and ‘sophisticated’ about feelings that we cannot readily identify them in ourselves, much less in others.” However, highly empathetic people are in touch with themselves. They can unpack their emotions and understand how they and others are being affected by them. McNamara suggests that it will be difficult if not impossible to empathize with others when we are unable to understand what’s going on within ourselves. Therefore, self-knowledge is good place to begin developing the habit of empathy.

2. Ask: Highly empathetic people do not assume that they know how others think and feel; they ask. Then they silently compare what they hear to what they may have thought the responses would be. McNamara suggests that this approach sharpens empathy, but also provides more concrete information about others. This can eliminate a whole lot of misconceptions. Beirne(4) adds that a great question to ask others is, “How do you feel about that?” Beirne explains, “Ask genuinely, with good eye contact and strong vocal production.” Then pay close attention to the response. That’s what highly empathetic people do.

3. Cultivate curiosity: Highly empathetic people have an insatiable curiosity about strangers. As Krznaric explains, “They will talk to the person sitting next to them on the bus, having retained that natural inquisitiveness we all had as children, but which society is so good at beating out of us.” Cultivating curiosity requires more than having a brief chat about the weather. It drives us to understand the world inside the head of another person. Fowler(5) adds, “Put down your cell phone. Instead of checking Twitter or reading articles while you wait for the train or are stuck in a traffic jam, look at the people around you and imagine who they might be, what they might be thinking and feeling, and where they are trying to go right now.” That’s what highly empathetic people do. To learn more about a hands-on curiosity exercise you can try with your staff, see the sidebar “Three Exercises to Teach Your Staff Empathy.”

4. Listen and are vulnerable: Increased empathy is not simply an intellectual exercise. It comes through interacting with others. That’s why highly empathetic people engage in deep and revealing conversations, both by listening and by making themselves vulnerable. Says Krznaric, “Highly empathetic people listen hard to others and do all they can to grasp their emotional state and needs, whether it is a friend who has just been diagnosed with cancer or a spouse who is upset at them for working late yet again.” However, listening alone is not enough. Highly empathetic people are also vulnerable. Says Krznaric, “Removing our masks and revealing our feelings to someone is vital for creating a strong empathetic bond. Empathy is a two-way street.”

5. Expand their circle of empathy: Highly empathetic people empathize with people they may not even like. For example, they empathize with people whose beliefs they don’t share, people they find unappealing, and even their political, social, and religious adversaries. To do this, Krznaric says, they embrace what he calls experiential empathy; they “try on” another person’s life. For instance, they may spend their vacations volunteering in a village in a developing country. Or they may attend religious services outside of their own faith, or political meetings outside of their own party. Krznaric suggests that first-hand experience enables highly empathetic people to come to a better place of understanding, which leads them to greater empathy. McNamara adds that empathy tends to run high in people who have traveled or worked in multicultural environments. Such experiences can lead to significant revelations. As McNamara suggests, until people experience the differences between themselves and others firsthand, their skills in empathy will probably remain “quite limited.”

6. Consume empathy-enhancing media: Although experiential empathy is important to the development of highly empathetic people, so, too, is what Krznaric(6) calls “travel in your armchair.” We are able to transport ourselves into other people’s minds with the help of visual art, literature, film, and online social networks, Krznaric says. In fact, we often teach empathy to young children through stories and fables, and even through cartoons, especially when we discuss with them how the characters may have felt, and why. Highly empathetic adults continue to develop their empathy by consuming media that enables them to see the inner workings of another person’s mind, Krznaric suggests.

7. Are often introverted, or have introverted tendencies: Highly empathetic people focus a great deal on others. Orloff(7) suggests that they tend to be introverted and prefer one-to-one contact or small groups. As Orloff explains, “Even if empaths are more extroverted, they may prefer to limit how much time they spend in a crowd or at a party.” Orloff adds that as super-responders, highly empathetic people find that being around people can be draining. Therefore, they periodically need time alone to recharge. Even a brief escape prevents highly empathetic people from experiencing emotional overload, Orloff says.

8. Focus on feelings, not facts: Highly empathetic people do not necessarily believe the particulars about what others tell them. They focus more on how the person feels, not on whether what the person says is accurate, just, sensible, or even logical. For example, Fowler explains, “We all have friends and loved ones who complain to us about how they have been treated by other people. It’s human nature to complain and it’s the duty of a loved one to listen.” Highly empathetic people do not dwell on whether the complainer is justified. They focus on the complainer’s feelings, even when he or she is in the wrong, Fowler suggests.

9. Are sensitive: Highly empathetic people have highly tuned senses. Orloff suggests that their nerves can get frayed by a lot of noise, strong smells, or excessive talking. Says Orloff, “Empaths become overwhelmed in crowds, which can amplify their empathy.”

10. Pay attention to what they say: Empathetic people understand that words are a weapon that can hurt people. Because of this, they are very careful about what they say. When they speak, they do so without judging, demanding, or pointing things out. As Step to Health(8) suggests, “This even means that they’ll ask if they can give some advice before sharing it.”

Why Medical Practice Employees May Not Be Empathetic

Empathy takes a significant amount of dedicated work and patience. It is a lot easier and faster for busy employees to focus on themselves rather than on others. Furthermore, empathy can lead your employees into uncomfortable situations and, even, difficult decisions. Once they know and understand how another person feels, they will be changed in ways that can sometimes be challenging. It will be harder for them to ignore problems. Empathy also can lead them to take action that they find difficult, unpleasant, or even distasteful. They may find it a lot easier not to know how someone else feels, so they can avoid those challenges.

To make matters worse, some employers discourage their employees’ empathy, even though they don’t intend to do so. As Pressley(9) warns, “Many organizations are focused on achieving goals no matter what the cost to the employees.” As you consider what you can do to encourage and foster empathy in your employees, take an objective look at your own employee assessment practices and the metrics you use to measure employee performance. If employee rewards are linked only to numbers and the bottom line, employees may not value or develop their empathy skills. Why should they? If empathy leads them to difficult challenges, and not to raises and promotions, they probably won’t.

Always remember that employees most often focus their attention on whatever you measure and reward. Although you cannot measure empathy as well as, say, patient retention or collection rates, you can encourage empathy if you link some of your rewards to soft skills. Chief among these should be your employees’ empathy.

References

1. Stillman J. 3 Habits that will increase your empathy. Inc., August 22, 2014. www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/3-habits-that-will-increase-your-empathy.html . Accessed September 18, 2018.

2. Krznaric R. Six habits of highly empathetic people. Greater Good Magazine, UC Berkeley, November 22, 2012. at https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/six_habits_of_highly_empathic_people1 . Accessed September 18, 2018.

3. McNamara C. How to develop skills in empathy. Free Management Library. https://managementhelp.org/interpersonal/empathy-skills.htm#shoes . Accessed September 18, 2018.

4. Beirne B. 4 relationship-building activities that emphasize empathy. Ovation Communication, December 10, 2013. www.ovationcomm.com/blog-1/bid/358611/4-Relationship-Building-Activities-That-Emphasize-Empathy . Accessed September 20, 2018

5. Fowler C. Why empathy is your most important skill (and how to practice it). LifeHacker, January 20, 2014. https://lifehacker.com/why-empathy-is-your-most-important-skill-and-how-to-pr-1505011685 . Accessed September 20, 2018.

6. Krznaric R. Empathy: Why It Matters, and How to Get It. New York: Perigee, 2014.

7. Orloff J. 10 traits empathetic people share. Psychology Today, February 19, 2016. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-freedom/201602/10-traits-empathic-people-share . Accessed September 20, 2018.

8. Step to Health. 5 characteristics of empathetic people. Step to Health, April 16, 2017. https://steptohealth.com/5-characteristics-empathetic-people/ . Accessed September 26, 2018.

9. Pressley D. The importance of empathy in the workplace. Smart Business, November 16, 2012. www.sbnonline.com/article/the-importance-of-empathy-in-the-workplace/ . Accessed September 26, 2018.

How Being Empathetic Benefits Your Employees

Empathetic employees are clearly beneficial to your medical practice. In addition, Fowler(1) offers many reasons why your employees should want to develop their empathy, for their own benefit. You may want to share this list with them and discuss it before you introduce new empathy-building activities and discussions. Specifically, Fowler suggests that empathetic employees:

• Better understand the needs of people around them;

• Treat the people they care about the way they want to be treated;

• More clearly understand how others perceive their words and actions.

• Better understand the unspoken parts of their communication with others;

• Have less interpersonal conflict, both at home and at work;

• Predict more accurately the actions and reactions of people they interact with;

• Learn how to persuade and motivate the people around them;

• More effectively convince others of their points of view;

• Experience the world in higher resolution as they see it through other eyes;

• Find it easier to understand and deal with the negativity of others; and

• Are able to be a better leader, a better follower, and, most important, a better friend.

Reference

1. Fowler C. Why empathy is your most important skill (and how to practice it). LifeHacker. January 20, 2014. https://lifehacker.com/why-empathy-is-your-most-important-skill-and-how-to-pr-1505011685 . Accessed September 20, 2018.

Three Exercises to Teach Your Staff Empathy

Empathy may come easily and naturally to some employees in a medical practice, but with much more difficulty and effort for others. Either way, you can help. Below, Winter(1) offers managers three hands-on exercises they can use with their employees to help them develop their empathy. These require no costs, little prep work, and can be facilitated in conjunction with your regular staff meetings:

1. Curious George or Georgina: We’re not all alike, Winter suggests, so the more we know about others, the better we will be able to help them. How to do this exercise: Assign each team member the task of finding out three specific pieces of information from a complete stranger. Establish a deadline. The precise information can change each time you do the exercise, or it can remain the same. However, the answers must come from conversation. Simply having your staff pepper strangers with questions won’t achieve the intended effect. They must engage and interact with someone they don’t know and figure out how to elicit the responses required within the natural flow of conversation. For example, employees may have to find out where a person grew up, his or her favorite food or restaurant, or where he or she would go on vacation if the sky was the limit. Your team can come up with the information they must gather, or you can give them the assignment. Once you reach the deadline, gather the team together to share what everyone learned and how the conversations impacted them. This exercise can be really fun, but for some, it can be challenging. You may want to make this a monthly or quarterly exercise.

2. Weekly highs and lows: A surprising way to develop our empathy is to allow others to be empathetic toward us. How to do this exercise: Gather your team for a quick stand-up meeting, either at the beginning or end of each week. Ask each team member to share one personal high and one personal low point of their week. (You can also add in your own highs and lows.) Allow a minute or two for discussion following each high and low. However, keep the remarks brief and balanced. This exercise is a fast, easy way that any small- to medium-sized team can develop empathy. Divide very large teams into more manageable groups so the exercise can be completed in 10 to 15 minutes.

3. Active listening/polite eavesdropping: This exercise requires employees to listen to but not participate in conversations they overhear, creating space for them to listen actively and to practice empathy. However, before sending your team out to eavesdrop on unsuspecting people, it’s important first to express the intent of this exercise. Remind your employees that goal is not to invade anyone’s privacy, but, rather, to pick up on bits of conversations we’d hear in our normal daily lives. They don’t need to seek out conversations to listen to. Rather, ask them to listen actively to what people are saying normally within earshot. How to do this exercise: Ask employees to pay close attention to conversations they overhear as they go through their usual work and their lives. As they listen, ask them to identify what they believe the speakers are feeling, and how they have come to those conclusions. Typically, one week is sufficient time to allow employees to listen actively to at least one conversation. Follow up with a meeting to share observations and insights. Since this exercise requires work outside the office, you may want to try it semi-annually or annually.

Reference

1. Winter J. Three exercises to teach your team empathy. UX Booth, July 11, 2017. www.uxbooth.com/articles/three-exercises-to-teach-your-team-empathy/ . Accessed September 20, 2018.