Having necessary difficult conversations with your team can be extremely challenging. You know the conversations I mean — the ones that draw on our courage, those sensitive, prickly topics that most of us dread bringing up, let alone discussing in any detail. Does anticipating them make your stomach flip? That’s not unusual. Most of us would rather avoid having those conversations. However, to paraphrase Peter Bromberg,(1) when healthcare leaders avoid having those necessary yet difficult talks with their teams, they trade their own “short-term discomfort” for their team’s “long-term dysfunction.” They miss an excellent opportunity for staff development, too, because what are known as courageous conversations not only can improve the function of the healthcare team, but in many instances, can transform the lives of its members. Sophia Everly(2) says, “Whether in personal relationships or professional settings, these discussions lead us closer to our true purpose.”
If the topic of courageous conversations makes you uneasy, you’re in good company. Few among us relish the prospect of confronting people directly to tell them something they won’t want to hear. Keep in mind as you read this article that you cannot be the best healthcare leader you can be if you avoid needed courageous conversations. However, if you learn the strategies in this article, and if you practice, you will feel much better equipped for and more comfortable with those dreaded courageous conversations with your team, even those you have been putting off for some time.
Specifically, we will be exploring what courageous conversations are, the fear behind them, how you can find the courage to speak up, when to have and when not to have courageous conversations, how to establish ground rules for your team, what to do and not do during courageous conversations, and how to follow up afterwards. By the end of this article, you will understand how to have courageous conversations with your team that get the results you desire while minimizing their pain and yours. You also will be able to discuss difficult topics with your team without encouraging backlash, grumbling, sulking, shutting down, or striking back afterward — all reactions you probably fear. You may find, too, that the skills you learn here can help you to have more and better courageous conversations in your personal life.
What Are Courageous Conversations?
A courageous conversation is, first and foremost, a conversation. It is neither a lecture nor an opportunity for you to read your team the riot act. It is a dialogue, which means that it is comprised of give and take. A conversation becomes courageous when it addresses difficult or sensitive topics with honesty and vulnerability and without sugar coating. It takes considerable courage for many of us to express our feelings, concerns, disagreements, and disappointments. It also will take courage for your team to keep their heads and listen actively to something unpleasant you say to them when their adrenaline rushes and they are moved to fight back or take flight to distance themselves from the unpleasantness.
Often, courageous conversations will address matters your team already is aware of. For example, employees who are about to receive a third warning before being fired already know that there is a problem with their performance or behavior. However, some courageous conversations shine a light on topics that may come as a complete surprise. For example, you may need to have a courageous conversation with a team member who does not know that their behavior has affected others adversely, or who has made a terrible mistake they are unaware of. Or, you may have to have a courageous conversation to deliver bad news to your entire team.
Courageous conversations tend to come with discomfort. Jayne Ruff(3) says, “Though they are necessary and are often put forward with the best of intentions, they can require a level of confrontation.” That level will depend on the people involved and the skill of the healthcare leader. During courageous conversations, you will be asking your team to listen actively and to examine their personal biases and long-held beliefs. You may be asking them to own up to their part in whatever unpleasantness you will be discussing. These can be challenging things for them to do when their emotions escalate. Ruff says, “They [your team] have to be willing to listen to the one raising the issue no matter how uncomfortable the conversation gets.” Some members of your team will be better at this than others. However, you can establish ground rules for courageous conversations that can help everyone keep their head and work through the rough spots.
The Fear Behind Courageous Conversations
Fear most commonly holds us back from having courageous conversations. We worry about conflict or rejection (or both). However, Everly says, “Facing that fear is where growth happens.” If you are afraid to have a challenging but necessary conversation, unpack that fear and see precisely what is at the base of it.
For example, are you afraid that one or more of your employees will act out or quit? There’s no guarantee that that won’t happen, because a poor response always is a possibility. However, if you have had a strong and healthy relationship with your team, used a good conversation strategy, and had adequate practice, you will be able to prevent a great number of the undesirable reactions you fear. Then, if they do happen despite your best efforts, you will know that you have done your best. Of course, avoiding a challenging conversation won’t risk a negative reaction. However, letting a problem continue and grow unchecked may result in much worse consequences than the reaction you fear. Therefore, you cannot allow a serious problem to continue when you know you need to intervene.
Another fear that could be holding you back is the fear that your team won’t like you anymore. Will you feel hurt if your team becomes angry at you? Are you afraid that your positive relationship with your team will be damaged? Initially, there may be a coolness between you and your team after a courageous conversation. However, in time, most teams will revert to their pre-conversation relationships with you. Some may even be better because you cleared the air. Remember that difficult conversations happen all the time between people who basically get along, both professionally and personally, and that most manage to move forward together afterward. But if the risks still frighten you, ask yourself what will happen if you don’t have the conversation. Often, it will come down to you making the best choice between two options you don’t like — having the conversation or not having it. Choose the one that is likely to have the best result for your team, your healthcare organization, and your patients, not the one that is easiest and most comfortable for you.
Leadership requires you to be responsible for the livelihoods of the employees who are entrusted to your care. Chris Stricklin(4) says,” You are accountable for successes, failures, growth, and performance plateaus. Every action, reaction, and inaction will define your leadership presence.” Be willing to be invested in your team’s success, even when that means that an uncomfortable courageous conversation is required. If you speak up, even when it’s hard, Stricklin says, “They will respect you more for the care and attention you devote to them.” Always remember that you do your team no favors by avoiding needed conversations with them. Michelle Rozen(5) warns, “Teams don’t need more silence; they need more truth, delivered with empathy and clarity. When leaders avoid courageous conversations, they rob their teams of accountability and growth.”
Five Ways to Find the Courage to Speak Up
Courageous conversations are an inevitable part of healthcare administration, management, and leadership. Nonetheless, the fear of broaching a sensitive subject with your team may be holding you back from doing what you know you need to do. Here are five ways to muster the courage to speak up:
Take stock of your emotions. What are you feeling? For example, do you feel nervous, fearful, regretful, or unprepared? Check yourself for biases and assumptions and for knowledge gaps that you will need to fill. How open minded are you? Joan Senio(6) suggests, “Seek to approach the conversation with an open mind and a genuine desire to understand the other person’s perspective.”
Examine your triggers. Sometimes, our painful experiences of past conflicts trigger avoidance. Or perhaps you grew up in a family where directness was discouraged and punished. Rozen says, “The trigger might change — but the emotional pattern of avoidance is often the same.” Bring your trigger into the light of day and look at it as objectively as you can. Did the cause of your trigger serve you back then? Does it now? Explore what you can do to let go of that old baggage. Seek help if you don’t know how to keep it from holding you back.
Lower your shields. Having a courageous conversation can make us feel vulnerable. We may be tempted to raise our shields to protect ourselves. However, vulnerability is the breeding ground for true connection. Everly says, “When you share your thoughts and feelings, you show your humanity. This openness invites others to share their stories too.” Strive to enter into courageous conversations without putting up your defenses. It’s OK — if not necessarily desirable — for your team to see you as a fully rounded human being, not a leadership robot.
Boost your confidence. Having confidence is not the same as having courage, though the two often go hand in hand. Ruff explains, “Though a person may have the courage to bring up the issue, their lack of confidence could cause them to fear the outcome of the conversation.” Ruff says, “By having the confidence to speak out and lead these conversations, we can work towards conquering our fear and making our organisation a great place to work.” Two effective tools for boosting your confidence: positive affirmations and positive self-talk. Also, regulate your nervous system to increase your confidence before initiating a courageous conversation. Take a few deep breaths, stretch your body, or take a walk. When possible, wait until your heart rate slows and your thoughts and body feel calmer.
Choose your emotions. Choose three to five words to describe the emotional mindset you will need to participate in a calm, productive conversation. For example, are your ideal emotions to feel peaceful, serene, optimistic, understanding, determined, compassionate, focused, aware, inspired, or empathetic? Are they to feel grateful, appreciative, accepting, humble, confident, warm, hopeful, friendly, or constructive? Stricklin says, “Realize that emotions manifest not only in your words but also in the tone of your voice, the expressions on your face and the language of your body.” Imagine yourself maintaining your ideal emotions precisely as you described them before, during, and after your courageous conversation with your team.
When to Have and Not Have Courageous Conversations
When should you have a courageous conversation with your team? Here are five good opportunities:
To clear emotional clutter. Avoided conversations typically build up in our minds. Calm(7) says, “They morph into tension and passive-aggressive comments, so naming what’s true, even clumsily, can be a huge relief.” It is not unusual for everyone to feel a strong sense of relief after a courageous conversation.
To open the door to deeper trust. Good relationships with your team are built on honesty, repair, and the ability to work through discomfort together. The Calm website says, “When handled with care, tough talks can strengthen a relationship.” Courageous conversations may be just what you need to take your team to the next level.
To make space for your own needs. You’re allowed to speak up when something isn’t working for you. Difficult conversations often are the gateway to reclaiming your boundaries as a leader and honoring your voice.
To disrupt unhealthy patterns. Courageous conversations can shift old dynamics that no longer work. When you speak up, you challenge the roles you and your team have been playing and ask everyone to examine their assumptions.
To support your team’s mental and physical health. Chronic stress from unresolved tension can weigh on your team’s mood and impact them professionally and personally. Calm says, “When you name what’s real, you release some of that pressure.”
You may be tempted to schedule a courageous conversation with your team the moment something about their behavior is concerning you. However, don’t act too quickly. First, take some time to figure out if a courageous conversation is indeed your best course of action. There will be times when it is. However, there will be other times when a courageous conversation won’t improve things. For example, a courageous conversation won’t be effective if the conflict is inside your head or is with your administration and not your team. Elizabeth Whitworth(8) says, “You need more internal reflection before involving someone else.” Sometimes, your actions will work better than words. Changing your behavior, introducing new rules, or introducing new protocols may solve the problem at hand more effectively than discussing the matter with your team. Also, courageous conversations may not be your best strategy when you don’t have sufficient time to prepare for them. Whitworth warns, “Rushing into a complex discussion without preparation usually makes things worse.”
Once you determine that a courageous conversation is your best course of action, be mindful that there’s a time and place for it. Senio says, “Selecting the appropriate time and place for the conversation can significantly impact its outcome.” Ideally, you’ll want to ask your team when they’re available and schedule a private space free of distractions. Whitworth says, “Don’t ambush them or try to squeeze a serious talk between other activities. When both parties have time to mentally prepare, you’ll have a more productive conversation.”
You will need to allot sufficient time for a courageous conversation. Don’t underestimate the time it will take. Remember, this is a conversation, not a lecture, so you’ve got to provide opportunity for give and take. Busy healthcare leaders often feel that they don’t have enough time for their tasks and responsibilities, let alone something as important as a courageous conversation. However, it’s important that you make the time to do this well. Ruff says, “A good leader will carve out time in their diary if a junior member of the team approaches them with an issue. This is not the time for a ‘walk and talk’ meeting — it needs to be taken seriously so full focus can be given to the issue at hand.”
A courageous conversation is best scheduled at the end of the day or the workweek so you and your team won’t have to spring right back into action afterwards. You can’t accurately predict how it will go, and it is possible that some team members will be upset. If so, you don’t want them bringing their heightened negative energy to their colleagues or your patients. Give them the time they need to calm themselves and process your conversation before they have to resume their daily work tasks. Give yourself time, too. You may need to take a beat before you’re ready to jump into other tasks. Also, you may need time to record notes of the conversation or to take any action you promised to take.
Finally, choose a place for your courageous conversation where you won’t be interrupted or overheard. Ideally, everyone should be seated and be able to see one another. Calm suggests choosing a place that “supports safety.”
Ten Ground Rules for Creative Conversations
It is very important for you to prepare your team for courageous conversations. Below are 10 ground rules for you to share with them. However, it’s best if you do this training when there is no courageous conversation on the horizon. Perhaps these ground rules can be incorporated into a staff training on the broader topic of professionalism. That way, your team can learn about courageous conversations before they participate in one. Then, all you’ll need to do is refresh your team’s memory about these ground rules briefly before you launch into the substance of your courageous conversation:
Keep your work environment psychologically safe. Do not lash out, storm out, act out, or become uncivil. If you have something to say, speak and act calmly, respectfully, and professionally, even if you are feeling frustrated, angry, stressed, or hurt. Retaliation has no place on our team.
Listen actively. Practice active listening by giving your full attention to the other person. Do not have side conversations or share knowing side glances with teammates. Show empathy and understanding through positive nonverbal cues such as nodding, maintaining eye contact, and using responsive gestures. Focus on your listening, not on judging or preparing what you want to say.
Consider other perspectives. Practice empathy. If you don’t understand another person’s point of view, make note of questions to ask.
Avoid hyperbole and sweeping generalizations. Don’t say that someone has done something a thousand times or “You’ve told us that every day” when that is not true. Do not use the words always and never to gloss over nuance. Exaggeration puts others in a defensive posture.
Speak of behaviors, not of character. For example, you may say that team members made a mistake but not that they didn’t care, that they said something that hurt you but not that they are mean, that they were unproductive but not lazy, that they did not explain something accurately but not that they are liars. Stick to the facts. Do not make character assassinations.
Don’t shut down the conversation or erect walls. Calm says, “’I’m done talking about it,’ or other forms of shutting down before the conversation has even begun can prevent resolution.” Also, “This is just how I am, so deal with it,” may feel like an honest thing to say at the moment, but it usually blocks meaningful connection and accountability. If you just can’t talk about something difficult in the moment, say so and suggest another time that would be better.
Avoid negative body language when you are upset. Eye rolls, scowling, clenched jaws, looking away, and folded arms convey disdain for another person or what they are saying. Huffing, puffing, and sighing can do the same. Avoid these and other negative body language cues.
Stick to the present issue at hand. You may hear something that upsets you and be tempted to dredge up a highlight reel of past frustrations. Don’t do that, don’t play tit-for-tat, and don’t try to one-up the other person, either. Doing so will derail the conversation. Calm suggests, “If you do need to reference a pattern, do it calmly. You could say, ‘I’ve noticed this has come up a few times, and I’d like to understand it better.’”
Use “I” statements to own your feelings. Speaking from our own point of view promotes personal responsibility and minimizes defensiveness in the other person. Don’t accuse or blame with “you” statements. Rather, focus on expressing how the situation makes you feel and its impact on you. For example, instead of “You left a mess in the breakroom,” say, “I felt frustrated when I came into the break room and found your wrappers and crumbs on the table for the third time this week.” Senio says, “This helps prevent the conversation from descending into a blame game.”
Do not share confidential information. People may reveal things during a team conversation that are not meant to be shared with others. Keep confidences and do not gossip or speculate about other people.
More Do’s and Don’ts for Courageous Conversations
Now that you’ve prepared yourself and your team for a courageous conversation, it’s time for you to schedule it with your team. Don’t make your team wait a long time between your announcement and the meeting. The longer they wait, the more they will speculate and the more nervous they may become.
Do not alarm your team by announcing, “We need to talk.” Alli Spots-De Lazar(9) says, “The phrase generally gets attention — just not effective or accurate attention.” Usually, “we need to talk” evokes dread, a sense of doom, pressure, discomfort, fear, and/or paranoia. Better choices would be “I have some important news to share,” or “There’s something important I’ve discovered,” or “Something important has come to my attention — and I’d like us to set aside some time so we can discuss it together.”
Once your conversation is scheduled with your team, here are 10 more do’s and don’ts to guide you so your team can hear what you have to say and remain as calm as possible:
Identify the conversation’s purpose and scope. Establish realistic goals for your conversation. In most cases, it is wise not to expect immediate agreement and resolution. You may need to meet with your team more than once. Certainly, you will need to do follow-up, which we will explore in detail later in this article. Explain to your team why you have scheduled the conversation and how you’d like it to proceed and end. Whitworth says, “Without direction, conversations wander off topic and fail to achieve their purpose. They also last too long and cause people to become confused and frustrated.” Explain what you want to achieve or how you want you and your team to feel when you’re done. Tell them that you will be addressing only this one main issue in your conversation. Ask your team if they are willing to proceed under these terms and follow the ground rules that you previously have shared with them. Don’t proceed unless they agree. Their consent is very important because it makes them participants in the conversation from the start. Make it clear that any team member can walk away if they need to gather their thoughts or to protect their mental health. However, remind them that they cannot storm off or act out if they need to leave.
Follow a three-step framework. Help your team prepare by telling them where you’re starting, where you’re going, and how you’re planning to get there. Step 1: Introduce what you’re going to discuss to give everyone a clear starting point. Encourage them to stay on topic and gently warn them that you will bring them back to it if the conversation wanders. Step 2: Explain why this topic matters to your team or your patients so they’ll understand its relevance and stay engaged. Step 3: Tell them how you’re going to discuss the topic at hand. For example, you may tell your team that you will speak for about five minutes and then open the floor for give and take. This framework mirrors the way our minds work and will manage your team’s expectations. We need to know what something is before we can understand why it matters to us and how to interact with it.
Lead with vulnerability. Begin with your own experience or point of view. Explain how the topic has affected you, speaking from an “I” perspective. For example, you might say, “I’ve been feeling that the stress level for our team has increased steadily over the last couple of months. There’s an air of tension here at work much more often these days. I have been feeling that tension, too. That’s why I wanted to talk with you about it.” Calm suggests that you lean into your feelings so you can be authentic for your team. For example, Calm says, you might say, “This may be hard to hear, and I’m nervous to bring it up, but I think it’s important.” A clear statement such as this one helps create room for mutual respect and openness, Calm says. It also humanizes you.
Frame the conversation as a problem-solving session. Establish the goal of collaboration rather than confrontation. Jeffrey Bernstein(10) says, “Acknowledge the issue and invite others to share their perspective. You might be surprised by how open communication can improve your work environment.” Tell your team that you need their help to make the situation better. Healthy Workforce Institute(11) suggests that you ask, “How do you see this? What steps can we take together to improve?”
Expect some discomfort. A conversation gap is the space between what needs to be said and what’s actually being said. Rozen says, “It’s the space where discomfort lives. It’s where unspoken frustrations simmer, where feedback is diluted or withheld entirely, and where trust quietly erodes over time.” If one or more members of your team are holding back or become shaky, teary, or emotional, pause to give everyone time to reset. You could say, “This is tough for me to say,” or “I want to make sure I’m understanding you” to be fully transparent about where you are during the conversation. Calm suggests, “If all else fails, ask if you can take five minutes to cool down and then come back together to talk more.”
Allow for silences. Don’t fill up all the air space. Leave breathing room as you speak so your team has time to respond. Silence can feel awkward but it’s where reflection and processing happen. Resist the urge to overexplain, justify, or backtrack. Also avoid mincing words and circling around your point. Rozen says, “State it once — clearly and calmly. Vagueness leads to confusion.” State what’s on your mind and let it be. Calm says, “You don’t need to bulldoze the other person into agreeing with you or apologizing.” Let everyone come to those conclusions on their own.
Listen actively. It is just as important for you to listen to your team as it is for them to listen to you. Whitworth says, “Without hearing the other person’s perspective, you might be seeing the issue incorrectly or incompletely.” Try your best to understand your team’s point of view, even if you don’t agree with it. Have an inquiry mindset. Stricklin suggests, “Ask open-ended questions during the discussion, and reserve final judgment until after you have all the facts.” Throughout the conversation, ensure your demeanor encourages discussion, not an interrogation. Stricklin adds, “Remember, you are working toward a solution together, so concentrate and reflect on the way the person feels.”
Don’t interrupt. Let your team speak when you think you know what they’re going to say. Correct them as needed if they have the facts wrong, but do not shut them down. Let them speak.
Bring meandering conversations back on track. Your team may blame others or bring up other grievances that they’ve been keeping to themselves. However, don’t let your conversation become a free-for-all. Whitworth says, “Harboring small resentments over time is called gunnysacking” and they may come spilling out because you have created a safe space for courageous conversations. Listen but table those discussions for another day. Bring everyone back to the topic at hand again and again if you need to.
Move to action. An emotionally intelligent healthcare leader will be mindful to limit any damage to relationships. Stricklin says, “Always be aware of the growth a conversation can enable, as well as the walls a poorly held conversation could construct.” If emotions run high, it’s okay to take a break. You can say, “This matters, but I think we need to step back and revisit it later.” Calm says, “Walking away to cool off shows emotional intelligence and maturity.” Once you’re all in a better headspace, schedule another conversation to revisit the topic. This could be in a few minutes or a few days. Each situation is unique, so adjust as needed. When you reconvene, thank your team for participating in your discussions. Reiterate your goals for the conversation and pivot the discussion to next steps – new behaviors, systems, rules, etc. What are you and your staff going to do as a result of the conversation? Make sure that everyone can answer that question and that they know that they must keep confidential information to themselves. Then end the conversation, on an up note when possible.
Follow Up After Courageous Conversations
Take time to regulate any emotions you may be feeling immediately after your discussion. It’s possible that you will feel huge relief, excitement, and even joy about the improvements you and your team have agreed to make. It’s also possible that you may be upset if the conversation didn’t go as you planned. Take the time you need to gather your thoughts. Then, figure out what you will do next. If you are concerned particularly about how one or more team members are feeling post-discussion, meet in private to check on them. Let them talk with you about their feelings if that helps them to process what transpired.
Take any follow up action you promised or decided to take and schedule another meeting with your team to discuss progress and further steps. Stricklin suggests, “Follow up on the emotional aspect of the conversation within the next few days, then readdress the resulting improvement in actions or results within the next month.” Offer a pat on the back to team members who have demonstrated improvement or their commitment to working collaboratively to make things better. Then, work on your relationship with your team. Tell them that your relationship with them matters to you. The Calm website suggests that you say something like, “Thank you for letting me share my feelings and talking it through with me. I really appreciated your perspective and your care.” Chances are very good that your team will appreciate a chance to reconnect with and work with you moving forward.
Of course, not all courageous conversations will result in the positive outcomes you seek. One or more members of your team may refuse to admit that a problem exists or they may point their fingers elsewhere in an attempt to shift the blame. Some employees may dig in their heels, even when doing so seems unreasonable. Others may become agitated or angry. Tension can continue to fill the air. Ruff warns, “A much deeper and more sinister problem could also be revealed, requiring further support to be brought in.” All of these outcomes may potentially cause you distress. If that happens, remember that the you invited your team in good faith to be part of the solution. If they end up refusing to participate, or if they have been purposely hiding something from you, that is on them, not on you.
When a courageous conversation backfires, take comfort in knowing that it was a necessary conversation and that you would have been remiss as a leader not to have it. Remember that you prepared for the conversation and that you were courageous enough to have it when avoiding it would have been so much easier. Think about what you’ve gained from the conversation. It’s there, if you look for it. Ruff says, “Most likely, you will now have more information and insights that could help you to reach a conclusion on your own, whatever that might be.” In some cases, you will gain the clarity and evidence you needed to take disciplinary action with one or more employees. If members of your team refuse to take accountability for what you can prove they have done, or to change, take the action you need to take with a clear conscience. As a leader, you will have done your job. Calm says, “Even imperfect talks can create more clarity, alignment, and emotional release.”
When a courageous conversation is over, it’s very possible that you will build greater trust with your team, shift long-standing dynamics, and even open space for long-needed healing and repair. That is why courageous conversations are one of the hallmarks of outstanding leadership.
Sidebar: How to Handle Courageous Conversations Someone Else Initiates: Six Tips
Sometimes, members of your team will approach you first to talk about a challenging topic. Maybe they’ll begin by saying the dreaded, “We need to talk.” When that happens, your first inclination may be to duck and hide. However, the way you receive other people’s courageous conversations affects whether they’ll open up to you again or ever trust you with sensitive information. The far better response is to express your appreciation that they came to you, then to listen to them without interrupting or becoming defensive. In addition, here are six tips to help you handle courageous conversations that someone else initiates.
Control the where or when. You will be able to give the courageous conversation the full attention it deserves when you have the time to do so. Ask the person what they want to talk about. For example, “Yes, we can talk. I want to be sure that we aren’t rushed and that I can give you my undivided attention. What’s the topic you’d like to discuss?” You may even ask, “Is this something I should be worried about?” Except in an emergency, suggest and schedule another time or venue if the present moment is not ideal.
Remain calm. Keeping your cool may be easier said than done, but it is very important that you try your best not to let your anxiety or anger take over. What you are about to hear may or may not be terrible news. You’ll be on alert, of course, but keep an open mind. It may be that the conversation won’t be as bad as you think it will be.
Assume they have good intentions. Give the person the benefit of the doubt unless or until they show you otherwise. They may want to talk with you because they genuinely want to make things better.
Hear them out. Do your very best to listen actively. That means focusing on what the person is saying and their voice intonation, gestures, and other body language — not on how you’re feeling or what you’re going to say in response. Try your best to remain neutral and open. You may find this very challenging, especially if you start to feel hot under the collar, but you’ve got to make sure that you understand all the important points the person is making before you respond.
Ask questions. Speak in a way that demonstrates that you seek to understand, not judge. Watch your intonation when you speak so you don’t sound accusatory or dismissive. Reiterate what they’ve said to be sure that you’ve got everything right.
Take the time you need to consider your response. If you don’t know right away what you want to do, tell the person that you need some time to process what they said. You also may tell them that you would like some time to do a little research on your own if that is relevant to the topic. Ask to schedule another meeting soon to revisit the conversation and work together to move things forward.
References
Bromberg P. Quoted first in Dunn H, Hatswell L, & Wallace T. Leading on performance management. Performance Management, August 20, 2020.
Everly C. Why courageous conversations bring you closer to purpose. What Is Your Purpose blog. July 16, 2025. https://whatisyourpurpose.org/why-courageous-conversations-bring-you-closer-to-purpose/ . Accessed November 4, 2025.
Ruff J. What are courageous conversations and how to have them. Changing Point blog. Updated August 29, 2025. https://changing-point.com/courageous-conversations/ . Accessed November 4, 2025.
Stricklin C. 13 guiding principles for courageous conversations. Forbes blog. August 26, 2019. www.forbes.com/councils/forbescoachescouncil/2019/08/26/13-guiding-principles-for-courageous-conversations/ . Accessed November 8, 2025.
Rozen M. How to have courageous conversations at work and in life. Dr. Michelle Rozen blog. April 9, 2025. www.drmichellerozen.com/articles/communication-skills/how-to-have-a-courageous-conversation/ . Accessed November 8, 2025.
Senio J. How to manage difficult conversations: 10 best strategies. Kind Compass Coach blog. January 17, 2024. https://kindness-compassion-and-coaching.com/personal-growth/difficult-conversations-10-steps-to-effective-communication/ . Accessed November 8, 2025.
Calm Editorial Team. How to have difficult conversations: 11 tips that can help. Calm blog. August 7, 2025. https://blog.calm.com/blog/difficult-conversations . Accessed November 10, 2025.
Whitworth E. How to prepare for a hard conversation: 7 expert tips. Shortform blog. September 17, 2025. www.shortform.com/blog/hub/personal-life/relationships/personal/how-to-prepare-for-a-difficult-conversation/ . Accessed November 8, 2025.
Spotts-de Lazar A. “We need to talk” can sabotage the talk. Psychology Today blog. March 22, 2022. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meaningfull/202203/we-need-to-talk-can-sabotage-the-talk?msockid=37d81fc4b6016f3e0f300cdcb7fc6e9e . Accessed November 13, 2025.
Bernstein J. Courageous conversations: speaking up to transform your life. Psychology Today blog. October 12, 2024. www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/liking-the-child-you-love/202410/courageous-conversations-speaking-up-to-transform-your-life?msockid=37d81fc4b6016f3e0f300cdcb7fc6e9e . Accessed November 19, 2025.
Healthy Workforce Institute. Courageous conversations: tackle tough talks to build a healthy workplace. Healthy Workforce Institute blog. February 12, 2025. https://healthyworkforceinstitute.com/courageous-conversations-tackle-tough-talks-to-build-a-healthy-workplace/ . Accessed November 11, 2025.