Managing an Employee Who Doesnt Like You: Twenty Strategies

How simple it would be if every medical practice employee liked his or her practice manager and looked forward to working with him or her every day. However, that ideal is not always possible. Over the years, you may have to make some unpopular decisions that don’t win you fans among your staff. You may find that an employee’s personality or working style just doesn’t jive with yours. Or you may encounter an employee who holds deep-rooted bias or prejudice against you simply because of who you are. The reality is that in the course of your career, you may find yourself managing one or more employees who dislike—or even hate—you.

Although managing an employee who dislikes you isn’t always easy, the situation isn’t necessarily hopeless.

Most medical practice managers know when an employee dislikes them. The employee may want you to know it, say so, and act accordingly. Or, he or she may have trouble hiding the dislike. According to Smith,(1) “If you’ve noticed that [employees] avoid you at all costs, can’t maintain eye contact, or stop smiling the minute you enter the room,” there’s a good chance that they dislike you. And DeMers(2) suggests that high turnover, a rash of complaints, a poor understanding of how your employees feel, and having to work too hard most of the time can also indicate that your employees dislike you. But even if you don’t observe these outward signs, most of us have a finely developed sixth sense to tell us when someone dislikes us. In fact, the ability to distinguish between those who like us and those who don’t is a basic and very old survival skill.

Although managing an employee who dislikes you isn’t always easy, the situation isn’t necessarily hopeless. Keep in mind, however, that this is not a problem that is likely to get better on its own. As Young(3) suggests, “If you suspect an employee hates your guts, you must take action.” Fortunately, there are many things that you can do if you suspect that one or more of your employees dislikes you.

Does the Employee Actually Dislike You?

If you have any doubts about what’s going on, begin by determining more precisely how the employee feels. Does the employee actually dislike you? Or are you giving yourself inaccurate and undeserved credit as a force in his or her life? Could it be that something else is going on?

It is possible that you are reading the employee’s verbal and nonverbal cues incorrectly. Sometimes a person’s behavior has little to do with what’s happening right in front of him or her. This is often the case when an employee is dealing with big and difficult personal issues that spill into the workplace. Also be careful that you are not interpreting an employee’s debate and pushback as dislike. Some people just enjoy playing devil’s advocate. You need the best ideas from your medical practice team and ownership of those ideas to create energy. You also need to hear bad news early so that you can make improvements. As Young(3) suggests, “Just because an employee is debating/pushing back on issues does not mean they [sic] dislike you.”

A good first step is to schedule a meeting with the employee. Describe specifically the behaviors that you’ve observed, without attaching any judgment to them. Then, just be straightforward. As Belcher(4) suggests, “Ask whether there is an issue that you need to be aware of that has developed into a personal dislike of you.” As the managerial professional, Belcher says, you are expected to be the bigger person and take the initiative to resolve tension between you and your employee. Remain calm and open to whatever the employee tells you.

The employee may become uncomfortable at this point. If so, smile and reassure him or her that it’s all right to talk about this. If you can get the employee to confess his or her feelings about you, you will need to work through them. For example, if the employee cites legitimate grievances against you, explore how you can both change the dynamic in your relationship to improve things. You might say, “That’s good to know. I’m working on being a better manager and appreciate the feedback.” If you can agree to do things differently, say so. If you can’t, try to help your employee to see why you can’t, and to cope with whatever is bothering him or her.

However, be prepared that the employee may tell you that there is no problem. When that happens, you may take this at face value and believe that this is true. Or you may continue to suspect that the employee dislikes you, and keep your eyes and ears open for further and more conclusive evidence. Another possibility is that the employee will tell you that you’ve done or said something that you haven’t, or that you should have done or said something and you didn’t. If so, set the record straight. Finally, the employee may cite an unreasonable reason to dislike you. He or she may be a nitpicker or feel entitled in ways that are inconsistent with your medical practice’s policies or your own management style. In such situations, you can explain why you do things the way you do and hope the employee begins to see things differently.

No matter what happens, remember that your employees are not required to like you. As Belcher(4) says, “They are required to get past their personal feelings and get the job done every day, even if that means interacting with you.” Remind your employee that you have quality medical care to deliver to each of your patients every day and that everyone on your team is expected to behave in a professional manner, no matter what. If the employee’s personal problems or negative attitudes are spilling into his or her work, address this problem directly and describe clearly what needs to change and by when. Follow up. And if need be, refer the employee to resources outside of your practice that can help.

Twenty Strategies for Managing an Employee Who Dislikes You

All of us want people to like us. Humans are social animals. Once you have determined that the employee does indeed dislike you, you may find that realization to be very difficult. Fortunately, there are a number of things that you can do to manage, change, or cope with the situation.

1. Recognize your reaction. You may experience a range of emotions when you realize that one of your employees dislikes you. For example, you may feel hurt or angry, especially if you feel that the dislike is unjustified. You may feel guilty if you believe that you have done something that caused the employee to dislike you. You may feel regret that you didn’t do things differently. Or you may fear that the dislike will spread from one employee to the next. As Reynolds(5) suggests, “The first step to handling a negative situation is to recognize your reaction.” Before taking action, ask, “What am I feeling?” Do you feel fear in your chest; betrayal in your heart; anger in your shoulders, gut or head; or humiliation in the pit of your stomach? Says Reynolds, “It takes practice to discern your feelings, but the first step is to identify what emotion has shown up in your body so you can choose what to do next.”

2. Ask yourself what is true in the situation. If you sense yourself shutting down or feeling defensive, ask yourself what you believe the employee meant to do to you. Often people do not realize the impact of their words and behaviors. As Reynolds suggests, “You will feel better if you discover they meant no personal harm.”

3. Care. You may be tempted to say, “Who cares?” or “I don’t care if our employees like me” and take a my-way-or-the-highway approach to medical practice management. However, if an employee dislikes or hates you, you owe it to yourself, to the rest of your team, to your patients, and to the employee to get to the bottom of it. As Young warns, “The costs of having an employee on your team who really dislikes you or even hates you are incredible.” Those costs will be compounded when one employee who dislikes you turns into two, three, or more.

4. Empathize. Consider the employee’s perspective and whether his or her dislike of you may be in any ways justified. Would you like working for you? Are you approachable? Are you fair? Do you care about your employees and have their backs? Do you provide clear expectations, feedback, and praise? While some people dislike others without cause, that is not always the case. Sometimes, the appropriate and best response is to dislike someone. Could that be what’s going on between you and the employee who dislikes you?

5. Be direct without being pushy. For example, you might say, “I sense that you’re upset with me. Are you still thinking about our meeting for your performance review last week?”

6. Don’t become defensive. The employee may say something to you that angers or hurts you, especially if he or she accuses you of being rude, selfish, careless, incompetent, or arrogant. However, commit to listening actively. Ask questions for clarification. Remain open both in your words and in your body language. Be mindful of your hot buttons.

7. Look back on your last few interactions. For example, suppose your employees tell you that you’ve been rude to them. Did you blow them off? Forget a favor? Insult them jokingly? Have you bragged without realizing it? Dive deep into your personal interactions. Apologize for any slights on your part and tell them what you will do differently.

8. Establish realistic expectations. Young asks, “Are you hoping to be a friend to your employees? Facebook buddies?” You are your employees’ manager, Young warns, not their friend, and trying to mix the two roles at work can be tricky and can backfire. While everyone wants to be liked, you have a job to do—to get results—preferably through the efforts of others. Adds Young, “While a fundamental human need is to be liked, being a manager is not a popularity contest.” Don’t expect the impossible and be sure to nurture friendships outside of your medical practice.

9. Don’t take the dislike personally. While that’s much, much easier said than done, find a way to take yourself out of the equation as much as possible. Consider whether the employee’s dislike is particularly about you or more about your role as his or her manager and boss. Would he or she dislike anyone in your shoes?

10. Accept the situation for what it is. In some cases it may be that there is nothing you can do to make your employees like you. It’s fine to reevaluate the way in which you manage, but in the end, don’t make the mistake of overcompensating to make employees like you. As Young warns, “Trying too hard can make your employees dislike you even more.” Adds Belcher, “It’s fine to accept the situation for what it is and make sure that everyone is doing his job properly.”

11. Ask yourself if this matters. Some people will like you. Others will not. Will the person’s judgment of you impact your work or life? If not, what can you do to release your need to be liked or even respected by this person? And what can you do to stay neutral and not return the dislike? According to Reynolds, “The more you can come to accept others as who they are, to resist fixing them or changing their opinions, and to listen with patience and compassion, the more you can move forward with your goals regardless if someone likes you or not.”

12. Don’t try to change your basic self. Change the way you do or say things as a practice manager if that makes sense. We all have room for improvement. But don’t try to smother your real personality or try to become someone completely different just to please an employee who dislikes you. There’s a delicate balance between self-improvement and self-effacement.

13. Rise above the discord. Mentally forgive the employee who dislikes you for not appreciating what you contribute. And, if you have contributed to the problem, or if you have reacted with fear or anger, forgive yourself too.

14. Lend a helping hand. Find ways to be supportive and helpful to the employee who dislikes you, in ways that make the most of your own strengths. Do small things without calling attention to the favor. Be the best practice manager you can be.

15. Ask the employee to help you. Keep the request small, manageable, and pleasant. Asking for help will suggest that you trust the employee, and can help heal an employee who feels wounded.

16. Make an effort to have regular conversation. Treat the employee as you would any other employee in your practice. For example, say good morning every day, and on Monday morning, ask how his or her weekend was.

17. Give the employee who dislikes you honest compliments. According to Clark,(6) “It may not be easy, especially if the person has been distancing themselves [sic] from you for a while. But if you’re objective, they [sic] probably have some qualities you admire.” Think of your honest compliments as a way to break the ice that’s formed between you and the employee who dislikes you. Perhaps your compliments will give him or her a good reason to reevaluate his or her perceptions of you.

18. Ask for the employee’s advice. Clark admits that this strategy can make you vulnerable. However, used judiciously, it can be an effective way to win over an employee who dislikes you. Most people like to be asked their opinion and to feel included in decisions.

19. Treat the employee like the rest of your team. Act normally and be yourself. Don’t be especially nice to the employee or avoid him or her.

20. Insist on respect. You may not be able to change an employee’s opinion of you. But you can and must insist on respectful behavior. Nip the problem in the bud if an employee who dislikes you does or says anything that is out of line. Describe the inappropriate behavior and state that it needs to stop. If need be, issue and document warnings to the employee. Repeated disrespect or contempt is legitimate grounds for dismissal.

References

1. Smith J. 11 Things to do when you find out that your employees secretly hate you. Business Insider. September 17, 2015. www.businessinsider.com/what-to-do-when-you-find-out-your-employees-hate-you-2015-9?op=0# . Accessed November 22, 2016.

2. DeMers J. 5 Signs your employees dislike you. Inc. August 18, 2014. www.inc.com/jayson-demers/5-signs-your-employees-dislike-you.html . Accessed November 22, 2016.

3. Young C. What to do if an employee hates your guts. The Rainmaker Group, Sales Wolf Blog. November 2, 2012. www.therainmakergroupinc.com/human-capital-strategy-blog/bid/137171/What-To-Do-If-An-Employee-Hates-Your-Guts . Accessed November 22, 2016.

4. Belcher LM. How to manage employees that don’t like you. Chron. http://smallbusiness.chron.com/manage-employees-dont-like-18868.html . Accessed November 28, 2016.

5. Reynolds, M. What to do when someone doesn’t like you: questions to ask yourself when you’re feeling hurt. Psychology Today. September 7, 2012. www.psychologytoday.com/blog/wander-woman/201209/what-do-when-someone-doesn-t-you . Accessed December 2, 2016.

6. Clark D. How to win over someone who doesn’t like you. Forbes, September 16, 2012. www.forbes.com/sites/dorieclark/2012/09/16/how-to-win-over-someone-who-doesnt-like-you/#73063e424132 . Accessed December 4, 2016.

Fourteen Signs Your Employees Secretly Hate You

A number of telltale signs can indicate whether your employees hate you. The following 14 behaviors may be attributed to many things, but often point to dislike. Pay close attention if you experience any of these, or a combination of them:

1. You have a bad gut feeling. If you experience a general gnawing feeling and can’t put your finger on it, probe deeper. The body usually doesn’t lie. Start looking for other signs that your employees dislike you.

2. Your employees cannot maintain eye contact with you, but they can with everyone else. It usually is difficult for an employee who dislikes you to look you in the eye.

3. They avoid you. Employees typically avoid people who intimidate them or who they don’t like.

4. They call in sick a lot. There could be reasons for absenteeism other than that your employees dislike you. Keep in mind, however, that some absences are a form of avoidance and that a bad boss–employee relationship is a leading cause of stress, illness, and absenteeism.

5. They stop smiling around you. Something is not right if your employees look miserable every time they are around you, but you have seen them smiling while talking to others in the office.

6. They stop laughing and bantering when you enter the room. This behavior may indicate that your employees do not consider you to be part of their inner circle, or that they dislike you.

7. They seem less passionate about their work than they used to be. So many things can affect an employee’s level of motivation or enthusiasm at work. However, the problem could be the way the employee feels about you.

8. They do not invite you to staff social events. It is possible that your employees do not want to spend any more time with you than they have to.

9. They communicate to you in writing, while they talk to others in person. They may be choosing to have less personal contact because they dislike you.

10. They are short with you. If you ask, “How’s it going?” and your employees always respond with a terse OK or fine, this may be a sign they’re not your biggest fans. And certainly, if your employees are beginning to sound like moody teenagers, that is a pretty big red flag.

11. Their body language is negative. Whether it is a subtle eye roll or constantly assuming a closed-off position with arms folded across their chests, your employees’ body language will often reveal their true feelings toward you.

12. Their “door” is always closed. Employees who ignore you when you approach them may be signaling that they do not like you.

13. They disagree with you constantly. Employees who dislike you may regard every interaction as an opportunity to put you down, compete with you, and win.

14. They resign for no reason. Problems with the boss still ranks as a top reason for employees leaving a job. If your departing employees don’t provide a good excuse or reason for leaving, there’s a chance it’s you.

SOURCE

Smith J. 14 Signs your employees secretly hate you. Business Insider. September 2, 2015. www.businessinsider.com/signs-your-employees-secretly-hate-you-2015-9/#youve-got-a-bad-gut-feeling-1 . Accessed November 29, 2016.

The Upside of Being Disliked

Is it OK to be disliked? Sometimes, it is more than OK. It is necessary. According to Athitakis,(1) “Charisma has never been all it’s cracked up to be.” Leadership means making difficult decisions, some of which are bound to offend, Athitakis explains. He adds, “If somebody around you doesn’t occasionally think you’re a jerk, there’s a good chance you’re not working hard enough.”

Deschene(2) suggests 10 benefits that come when you’re comfortable not being liked by everyone:

1. It allows you to be your true self. You won’t have to shapeshift to please your audience.

2. It gives you the power to say no. You will no longer fear being disliked.

3. You are more comfortable exploring your feelings. You will not be pretending for someone else’s sake.

4. Your candor can help other people. The unpopular thing may be just what someone needs to hear.

5. You can freely express your thoughts. You will be able to speak without fear.

6. It prepares you for greater success. The higher you rise, the more attention you will receive, both positive and negative.

7. It teaches you to offer kindness and compassion without expectations. You will do what is right because it is right, not because you will be getting something in return.

8. You can inspire other people. Others may admire your ability to speak frankly, and be inspired and encouraged to do the same.

9. You can use your time wisely. If you want to be liked by everyone, odds are you are spreading yourself thin trying to keep them all happy.

10. You can choose to smile anyway. You can find a way to be happy, even when people do not feel about you the way you’d like.

References

1. Athitakis M. The upside of unlikability. Associations Now. June 1, 2015. http://associationsnow.com/2015/06/upside-unlikability/ . Accessed December 4, 2016.

2. Deschene L. 10 Reasons to be OK with being disliked. Tiny Buddha. http://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-reasons-to-be-okay-with-being-disliked/ . Accessed December 3, 2016.

Ten Reasons Employees Hate Their Managers

In the course of your career, you may have had a boss that you disliked or even hated. Chances are that you had good reason to feel the way that you did. Some bosses are so terrible that they deserve to be hated.

Below are 10 of the most common reasons employees say they hate their managers. Consider whether any of these applied in the case of the manager you disliked. Then consider whether any of these thoughts could be in the mind of an employee who dislikes you, whether or not they are justified.

1. The manager appears not to know what he or she is doing, but acts as though he or she does. As Heathfield(1) warns, “They will catch you when you don’t tell the truth, pretend to know what you don’t know, or withhold information that made them fail. And, they will hate you.”

2. The manager is perceived as treating employees disrespectfully. Clearly, when managers talk over employees, belittle their ideas, ignore their input, and criticize them unfairly, those employees are justified in feeling disrespected. But perceived disrespect can be more subtle than that. According to Heathfield, “Calling last minute meetings with no regard for [employees’] prior commitments, refusing to okay vacation time use that was reasonable and appropriately requested, and failing to commit needed resources in a timely manner are hallmarks of disrespectful behavior.” Employees know when they are not respected and they will hate you, Heathfield warns.

3. The work is all about the manager Have you ever worked for a boss who acted as though he or she is the star of the movie and you’re just a bit player? “When everything is about the manager, employees know and they hate you,” Heathfield warns.

4. The manager is considered to be a blockhead or jerk. Managers who are perceived as selfish, gossips, game players, or prima donnas are often hated, Heathfield says.

5. The manager overmanages good employees. Micromanaging and nitpicking managers are rarely liked and are more often hated, Heathfield warns.

6. The manager doesn’t know what employees are doing. Good managers understand enough about employees’ work to guide them. As Heathfield suggests, if you tell an employee what to do or how to do it, “You’d better know more than the employee does, or he will hate you.”

7. The manager acts as though employees do not have a life outside of the office. Taking for granted that employees can work late, work more, and take on more work than they can handle will eventually make them hate you, Heathfield warns.

8. The manager does not give credit to employees when credit is due. Taking credit for employees’ ideas and accomplishments is a sure-fire way to make employees hate you, Heathfield says.

9. The manager doesn’t have employees’ backs. Trust is breached when managers don’t support their employees, and that mistrust can morph into hatred very quickly. “When you throw your employees under the bus, you will not recover,” warns Heathfield.

10. The manager is a bully. Bully bosses intimidate employees with words, threaten employees and their jobs, and have even been known to throw objects at employees. But they also belittle employees and chip away at their self-confidence and self-esteem. They name call, ridicule, and shame. Fear of a bully boss will soon give way to anger and hatred, Heathfield says.

Reference

1. Heathfield SM. Top 10 Reasons why your employees hate you. The Balance. February 13, 2016. www.thebalance.com/why-employees-hate-you-1917713 . Accessed December 1, 2016.

Why Micromanaged Employees Dislike Their Managers

Very few people enjoy being micromanaged. Micromanaged employees will generally grow to dislike their managers:

• For not trusting them: According to Huls,(1) “A manager who hovers over an employee, waiting to dot the i’s and cross the t’s, is broadcasting one thing very loudly: ‘I don’t trust you.’” Trust your employees to do their work. If they know you believe in them, it will do wonders for morale and productivity, Huls says.

• For making them feel incompetent: Every criticism and correction a micromanager makes can chip away at an employee’s sense of self-worth. As Huls suggests, “Managers should build their employees up with pride, not tear them down with insecurity.”

• Because they fear you: Micromanaged employees may become afraid to make mistakes. And fearful employees focus more on avoiding doing something that might trigger your negative criticism, and focus less on the job at hand. Huls urges, “Stop focusing on what is wrong, and focus on what your employees are doing right.”

• For wasting their time: Micromanagers waste their own time. But they also waste employees’ time by interrupting and holding them back from getting more work done. Warns Huls, “Break their workflow, they’ll resent you for it. Especially if they fall behind on work as a result.” Therefore, if you must check in with an employee, ask what his or her schedule is like, and avoid keeping him or her from something important just to satisfy your perfectionism, Huls suggests.

• For ignoring the big picture: Micromanagers often focus on minute details instead of on larger goals. Micromanaged employees may resent you if they believe that you are holding back your medical practice’s growth and success.

Huls suggests that whenever you are tempted to micromanage you ask yourself, “Is there something I can be doing with my time that will make a more significant impact on our larger goals?”

Reference

1. Huls A. 5 Ways micromanaging will make employees hate you. SmallBiz Ahead. http://sba.thehartford.com/managing-employees/5-ways-micromanaging-will-make-your-employees-hate-you . Accessed November 30, 2016.

First Aid for a Bad Employee–Manager Relationship

If an employee dislikes you, you may be able to turn him or her around by taking a positive, proactive approach. Here’s what you can do:

• Acknowledge that you’ve both gotten off on the wrong foot (or that things have taken a turn for the worse).

• Suggest that you’d like to take the employee to lunch to get to know him or her outside of the work setting.

• Don’t bring up any workplace concerns if you can help it.

• Keep the conversation light, but focus on learning about one another. For example, ask questions to help you learn about the employee’s interests.

When you get to know your employees outside of the workplace setting, you may be able to get them to think more positively about you. And simply acknowledging that a problem exists and trying to do something about it may go a long way toward improving things.

Source

Madell R. Snarky coworker got you down? Career Intelligence. http://career-intelligence.com/work-with-people-you-dont-like/ . Accessed December 2, 2016.

Seven Reasons Employees May Dislike You that You Can’t Prevent

Sometimes, an employee may dislike you for what seems like no apparent reason. However, there is always a reason, even if it has nothing to do with you specifically or with anything that you have said or done. Here are seven reasons employees may dislike their managers that have nothing to do with the manager in particular:

1. You remind them of their failures.

2. You remind them of what they lack.

3. You remind them of their horrible past.

4. They feel worthless.

5. You remind them of themselves, and your flaws are their flaws.

6. They are anxious and don’t feel safe.

7. They think you are a threat, even if you are not.

Source

Radwan MF. 7 Reasons people dislike you for no reason. Know Myself. www.2knowmyself.com/7_reasons_people_dislike_you_for_no_reason . Accessed December 2, 2016