Building a Social Network that Works for You: Finding and Meeting the People in Your Network

When I was searching for an executive-level position, I preferred to meet and speak with people who hired people for the level of position I was seeking—that is, anyone who would be hiring at the vice president level. However, everyone has connections, and sometimes a person who seems to be totally unrelated to your job search can either have a connection to someone who can help, or be able to connect you with someone in your target area of interest.

When you start networking to find a job, cast a wide net. Think of it as opening the water faucets all the way. Then, as your search goes on, you can gradually slow the flow as you become more discerning about the network connections you make.

Two Types of Networking

The intention behind business networking is to have your existing network of people—those you already know—cast their nets out to others in their own networks, thereby connecting you to others you might not yet know but who might be able to help you in your job search. In this way, you expand your reach. I like to distinguish between two kinds of networking: the kind done at networking events, and the kind that happens in one-to-one networking conversations.

Conversations at networking events typically generate leads. At these events, it is not in your best interest to “sell” yourself but, instead, to focus on identifying one, two, or three people who might be good resources for you in your job search. These conversations tend to be quick. They are not necessarily (or even typically) held with people who have open positions in their companies, but, rather, people who might be able to help connect you with others who do. These people could be in a similar industry to yours, or could know people in that industry. They also could be people who appear to be good connectors.

Your goal in a one-to-one networking conversation is relationship building.

One-to-one networking conversations, on the other hand, are your opportunity to follow up on the leads you’ve obtained, whether through networking events or personal referrals. Whereas your focus at a networking event is generating leads, your goal in a one-to-one networking conversation is relationship building. The conversation is more in-depth, and it may happen either by phone or in person over coffee or lunch. In either case, it’s an opportunity for you to learn more about the person with whom you’re meeting and find out if there are ways you might be able to help each other.

Networking: What it Isn’t and What it Is

Networking is not a linear activity—in other words, when you meet someone, that person may not lead you to your next job interview, but he or she may very well lead you to someone who will lead you to someone else who will then lead you to the person with the job. This is a perfect illustration of the phrase “six degrees of separation,” often attributed to the actor Kevin Bacon.

The theory of six degrees of separation was originally proposed by Frigyes Karinthy. It holds that everyone is six or fewer steps away, by way of introduction, from any other person in the world. In this way, a chain of “a friend of a friend” statements theoretically can be made to connect any two people in a maximum of six steps (Wikipedia, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Six_degrees_of_separation ).

The key is to be in action consistently, adding people continually to your web.

Networking my not be linear, but it is a web of connections, similar in form and function to a spider web. A spider weaves a web to serve as an efficient way to catch its prey (insects) without having to run the prey down. In much the same way, you will be creating a web to “catch” potential jobs without randomly applying at companies where you have no warm connections or endorsements from friends. Just as constructing the web requires the spider to expend energy, you, too, will have to expend energy to create the web of contacts that will ultimately help you catch your dream job. The key is to be in action consistently, adding people continually to your web.

Getting in Front of the Right People

To expand your network, it is important to get in front of as many of the right people as possible. Again, don’t worry about whether each person is the “right” person. If you speak with enough people, you will eventually get in front of more of the “right” people. Sometimes networking will feel like dating, where only one out of many will be a good fit for you. Remember, a job search is a numbers game. The more people you engage with, the more likely you will be to find a person within a company that is looking for someone just like you.

Many of the people you meet will not have a job available at the time you meet them. But when a position in their company opens up, you will have established enough of a relationship that you can circle back to that person to help get you introduced to the hiring manager or human resources person. That will be a much more powerful approach than having your resume land undistinguished alongside hundreds of other resumes.

It may seem counterintuitive, but looking for “the” job when you’re starting your job search actually may be counterproductive. If you discover a job lead that appears to be a good fit for you, then by all means, inquire about it and pursue it. In general, though, you will be much more likely to land an interview if you find someone to introduce you to the company and, even better, to the people who will be doing the hiring and interviewing.

Even when you find a desirable open position on a job board, it is still helpful to find someone in your network who might be able to introduce you into the company before you apply. Your contact will be more likely to steer you in the right direction and, ideally, will be able to make a warm introduction to help move your name and resume to the top of the pile.

Developing Your Network

I hope by now you’re convinced that the best way to find a job is through personal contacts. If you’re still wavering, consider this: everyone you know has at least 250 contacts and, thanks to social media, likely many more than that.

The best way to start developing your network is to write down a list of everyone you know in every area of your life. Follow these steps:

1. Create a list of your contacts (your “natural network”), and make it as long as possible. Don’t worry about whether or not each person is the “right” type of person.

2. Make a list of companies you would like to work for, so that as you meet with people, you will be able to reference the list to ask for connections into those companies.

3. Set a goal of how many people you will speak with or meet with each week. For example, in my job search, I set a goal of having a minimum of five conversations a week, and at times I had as many as 10.

4. Systematically schedule calls of 20 to 30 minutes, coffee meetings, or office meetings with your contacts to ask for their help. Be sure to keep track of your referrals and the status of your contacts with them.

5. Ask everyone you meet if they would be willing to introduce you to one, two, or three contacts. Specifically, saying, “one, two, or three contacts,” is much more effective than asking someone, “Who do you know?” because it asks people to narrow their thinking. You will be much more likely to walk away with at least one additional contact.

Identifying qualified people to speak with is easier today than ever, thanks to the strong influence of social media. However, do not contact people to say you are looking for a job and want to find out if they have one for you. Focus instead on seeking help. Say, “I’m in transition and am looking to change jobs, and I’d like to get your advice about my search.” Consider how you feel when someone approaches you and asks for something you might not be able to provide, compared with how you feel when someone asks for your advice. Most people love to give advice and help others.

Following Up

Whenever you interact with someone who has offered to help you, it’s a good idea to use permission-based questions as a way to find out how the other person prefers to provide the help. For example, during the course of a conversation, as soon a someone offers to introduce you to a person who might be able to help further your job search, ask, “When would be a good time for me to follow up with you about connecting me to this person? Would you prefer that I follow up with you by email or by phone?”

You can never go wrong with a handwritten thank-you note.

When you finally meet with someone or speak with someone by phone, always ask the person for his or her business card (if meeting in person) or postal mailing address (if speaking by phone), so you will have relevant contact information. If someone has taken the time to meet with you, it is important to express your appreciation. And although this may seem old-fashioned, you can never go wrong with a handwritten thank-you note. In this age of email and texting, handwritten notes will help set you apart, because so few people send them.

Being Specific and Why It Matters

In your networking conversations, specificity is important, in both the questions you ask and your description of the kind of job you want to find. For example, the question “Who do you know?” is broad and open-ended, and it elicits a very different response than does asking, “Who are the one or two people you know?” As to being specific about the type of job you are seeking, another example will illustrate. When I started my job search, I was unclear whether I would stay in the same industry. As a result, I was unable to expand my network. As soon as I gained clarity, got specific, and decided what I wanted to do, I started getting leads.

You will continually expand your network by asking for the one, two, or three people somebody knows. When you ask for introductions, remember to be specific about the type of people you are looking to meet, such as executives, growth-minded CEOs, and the like. When people offer to give you names, ask them if they would be willing to make a “warm” introduction for you.

Tips for Successful Networking Conversations at Meetings

When you attend a networking event, your goal is to meet one, two, or three people with whom you can schedule a follow-up meeting. It’s not the time to “sell” or spend all of your time handing out business cards.

Starting conversations at either a networking event or in a one-on-one meeting may feel awkward and uncomfortable. If that’s how you feel, then you are in good company: most people experience a degree of discomfort, especially at networking events. Sometimes people feel this way because they are afraid they might ask the wrong questions, they might sound pushy, or they might get answers they don’t want to hear.

The key to minimizing your discomfort is to stay focused on the person to whom you are speaking. Set an intention to find out what’s most interesting about the person. By doing this, you will take the pressure off yourself while building a relationship. The best advice I ever received—advice that I still find useful in networking situations—is to show up being “interested,” not “interesting.”

Here are some tactics for being “interested”:

• Follow the “80/20” rule. Listen at least 80% of the time and talk no more than 20% of the time.

• Follow the “WAIT” principle. Ask yourself, “Why Am I Talking?” It is a reminder to stay focused on what the other person has to say. The WAIT principle applies to many forms of communication, not just networking events or networking meetings.

• Ask open-ended questions. Good open-ended questions that get people talking usually begin with words like “what,” “when,” “who,” “where,” “why,” and “how.” Sample questions might include any of the following:

  • What brought you to this event?

  • What business are you in?

  • What is your role in the organization?

  • How did you get into your business?

  • Where did you work previously?

  • What type of people do you hope to meet at this event?

  • If I could introduce you to one person at this event, who would that be?

  • What other events do you attend?

Use these questions to “peel the onion” and learn more about the other person. Continue peeling the onion by asking more questions based on what the person just told you, so be sure you actively listen to the person’s responses.

If you ever feel stuck in a conversation and don’t know what to ask next, simply say:

• Tell me more about [whatever they were just telling you about], or.

• Help me understand [whatever they were just telling you about].

As practiced as I am at asking questions and listening, these statements often help me when I’m at a loss for the next question.

Sample Phone Call or E-mail Asking Someone to Meet With You

The best way to secure an appointment with someone is to call. If you are unable to reach someone by phone, leave a voice message and send a follow up e-mail. You can use this script for the phone call, the e-mail, or both.

Hi [insert name of person]

(If you called previously and left a message, say: “I recently left you a voice message.”)

I am currently in the process of a job search and thought you would be a good person to give me advice about my search. I am not contacting you for a job. I value your opinion and would like your thoughts and insights about different careers and the best way to approach my job search. I would appreciate 15 to 20 minutes of your time.

Would you be available to meet on one of the following dates and time?

• Date and time

• Date and time

• Date and time

Thanks in advance for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,

Your name

Your contact information

(To end a phone voice message, replace “Thanks in advance for your consideration” with “Please call or e-mail me at [your contact information].”)